you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
