I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
