So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
