i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize