I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize