Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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