Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
