I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
