I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
She bit a glass in half.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
