She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
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