He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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