i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize