I can't breathe out the right side of my face
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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