today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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