like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
