i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
