mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Randomize
