ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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