paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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