I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
