I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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