i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Randomize
