Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
