I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
she pinky promised me she was 18
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
