I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
