My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Randomize
