Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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