I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
