Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
