i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
