I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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