dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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