If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
