I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
