Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
