At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
