It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
