just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
