Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
