I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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