Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
