If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
