I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
