i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
