We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
