my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just made out with a guy for $7.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
