Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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