Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
