She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I would ride that face into the sunset
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize