i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
