We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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