She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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