at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize