I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
