FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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