No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
