He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Did I show you my penis last night?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
