so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
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