1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
