And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I did not marry a roomba.
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