It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I checked into jail on foursquare
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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