Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
