is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
