I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Randomize
