Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
