I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
