I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
