I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
