Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
