i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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