Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
So many bounce houses so little time
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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