Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
this hospital has no fireball
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
