i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
