Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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