I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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