this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
