and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize