it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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