honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
