i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
