Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
