We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
