Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
