I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Sext me about skeletons
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
