I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
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