Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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