i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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