We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize