before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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