can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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