i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize