Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
