i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
