i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
