who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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