Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
