You're my little dorito
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
