I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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