I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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