ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
