I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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