Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
