I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Your penis caused this!
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
